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Why I started Sugar Daddy Community

There are already plenty of sugar dating websites, and the subject hardly needs more bad publicity. So why start another one?

For me, it's because I don't think the loudest voices in this space speak for everyone. I still believe there are people who want companionship, an emotional connection and financial support to be part of the same relationship. They shouldn't have to pretend otherwise.

What bothers me is how quickly getting to know someone can turn into a negotiation. PPM, a fixed allowance, a price agreed before the first meeting. I understand wanting to avoid wasting time. But somewhere in that conversation, I'd like to know whether these two people actually want to spend time together.

I can understand a woman's frustration when a man talks endlessly about feelings but avoids an honest conversation about support. If he doesn't intend to offer it, he should say so. Equally, a man isn't necessarily wasting her time because he wants to feel liked. Wanting someone to enjoy your company doesn't seem like an unreasonable expectation to me.

What I have no patience for is a man who thinks spending money means a woman should do whatever he says. A gift doesn't buy obedience. Helping someone financially doesn't give you control over her life. She can disagree with you, have her own priorities, and say no.

These frustrations spill into forums, where men and women end up arguing about who is using whom. I think that suspicion follows people into their next introduction. They arrive ready to defend themselves against someone they haven't even met.

I don't want that to be the starting point here.

I'm comfortable saying that financial support belongs in this conversation. It is part of why some people choose sugar dating. But I also want room for the ordinary things that make someone matter to you: looking forward to dinner together, calling after a difficult day, or taking an interest in something important to them.

Support shouldn't be an excuse to demand control, and affection shouldn't be an excuse to avoid being honest about money. I want both people to be able to say what they hope to give and receive, then decide whether they genuinely want the same kind of relationship.

There's another reason I wanted to build this. I'm tired of swiping left and right, scrolling through profiles without feeling any closer to meeting someone. I know plenty of people feel the same way.

I'd rather have a smaller community and be more careful about who joins. If the choice is fifty profiles to sort through in the hope of finding one promising person, or five people who share your expectations and genuinely want to meet, I'd take the five. Having fewer members doesn't worry me nearly as much as having the wrong people fill the place.

I want strict member review to be part of how we build this, even if that means growing more slowly. We need to make a serious effort to keep out fake profiles, people misleading others about their intentions, and those using introductions as a way to sell something or get people involved in something unrelated. I don't want genuine members doing all that sorting out for themselves.

And I chose the word community deliberately. I want people to become part of each other's lives, not just another name in a message list.

Talk online first, of course. Get comfortable with each other. But when both people are ready, I want those conversations to lead somewhere: coffee, dinner, an afternoon together, and perhaps a place in each other's everyday lives.

If all I've built is another place where people scroll and exchange messages but never meet, then I haven't built what I had in mind.

Who feels at home here